So if I have not said it before I will say it again, I am a psychology major and am currently going to a university to further my education. I just thought some context was required for this story.
So, today my professor was lecturing about Existential Therapy. Which has to do with putting importance in the clients inner self, the meaning of life and values etc. She had us do a written exercise the prompt was as follows: “If you were to die today who would do your obituary and what would they say?” Now i’m just a ball of sad noodles because I want to cry. I’m fairly close to my sister but she doesn’t know me completely. This is where I think I have messed up. I don’t have anyone who knows me that well. So i’m just there staring at my paper eyes tearing up not knowing what to write, because the closest people in my life at the moment are my roommates. They are great people and I love them, they know me so well, but to have that responsibility when they have not even known me for a whole year? So that is exactly what i write because I’m an honest person and there is no way I can lie or make a fake person up.
Family is important no matter how messed up my family can be sometimes I don’t want to keep them at arms length away. It makes me sad to think that I’ve distanced myself from them and it’s not because I’ve moved away. This has been going for some time, It’s probably a coping mechanism to keep from people who didn’t like me. I just thought that maybe if I didn’t show them myself or was as open with them it wouldn’t hurt so much if they disliked me. But I’m seeing now that I only achieved in isolating myself. So new goal be more open and close to my friends and family.