I see friends or should I say people I used to know interact with their friends, and honestly it’s beautiful and sad thing to see. Were my friendships like that? I remember at the time feeling like those were my moments. They still live on and talk and just do things together but me. I’m never invited. I feel like i’m that loyal friend in the background that you go to for advice but you never invite out because i’m to quiet, awkward, or don’t fit with the aesthetic. You always go to them when you need something because they are reliable but you eventually forget. I’m that photograph you have somewhere inside a box you always forget you have until you come upon on it. And just because I really hate disappointing people I still keep a form of connection to you. You might call so I save your phone, you might send me a message so I keep you in my friends list. This is truly feeling alone in a crowd of people because all these people I once called friends or best friends they also keep me on their friends list but they don’t talk to me. They have their reunions and weddings and i’m not invited. Is this a sign? Or am I thinking to much? I’ve spent so much time thinking that it was me. Somehow I was the problem. That i didn’t reach out enough, that i wasn’t vocal enough. But for whatever reason It’s not me.
But now, at least now in this moment I’ve made friends that make me want to go out and do crazy things. They support me and I really feel like I have a family. Even when I’m down on myself they make me realize that I am special to them. Even the most trivial thing and I am invited. And I am so happy that I found people. My people (not to be mistaken as ownership), but people I belong with and be myself with. Every little moment with them overwrites every bad thought i had of myself. I thought of my friends so this is where I wrote it. For anyone who has not found their people they are coming you just haven’t met them yet.